


Dreams of a Life

by zacharybosch



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: Domestic Fluff, First Meeting, First Time, M/M, Texting, and adam loves nigel, and i am very sorry everyone, and then, dealing with death, nigel loves adam very much, the pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7675978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacharybosch/pseuds/zacharybosch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>For weeks and months and years Nigel was there, and then he wasn’t. Thinking of it was like remembering something he’d seen on television, or a dream that hadn’t shed itself from his mind when he awoke for the day.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams of a Life

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first foray into spacedogs, so obviously i had to make it super sad?? this fic was inspired by [this heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, wow-that-was-just-fuckin-rude](http://stmtch.tumblr.com/post/147747130368) fanvid. so blame the person who made that, not me (and also watch the video because it's really really good and i've been listening to the song non-stop for the past two days)
> 
> dedicated to [fluegel](http://fluegelschatten.tumblr.com/), who loves The Pain

Adam had worked around disruptions to his routine before, had learned to adjust to the sudden gaps and holes and to bring the edges together, but this was different. 

For weeks and months and years Nigel was there, and then he wasn’t. Thinking of it was like remembering something he’d seen on television, or a dream that hadn’t shed itself from his mind when he awoke for the day. It was real and tangible, up until the moment that it wasn’t. He felt the lack of Nigel like a physical pull at his body. Nigel had left black holes, stretching light-years across.

~~

Nigel always texted if he thought he might be late, or unable to come over at all. Sometimes he was kept waiting longer for a drop, or someone needed more of a beating than he’d first anticipated, but it was no reason to send Adam into a panic. So Nigel always texted.

_Hello gorgeous. I think i will be late today. You carry on as normal with your food, i will get there in time to watch our show at 9pm xxx_

_Hello gorgeous. I can’t come round tonight, so we can do what we talked about - i will come in the morning at 7 and we can make our breakfast together. Is that ok? xxx_

~~

Something had been different that day. Nigel’s text had been different, it hadn’t followed the same pattern. It was always _greeting - statement of lateness or inability to come round - what they should do - three kisses._ But Nigel’s text that day had said _Hello gorgeous. I won’t make it tonight. I love you xxxxx_ and that was wrong, it didn’t follow the pattern. So Adam became agitated, and he wanted to go out, wanted to find Nigel and ask why his text was wrong and what it meant. He even put his shoes and jacket on, but he couldn’t do it. He hadn’t planned for going outside this evening. 

So he waited, and then it was the next day, and the knock at the door was from two police officers who had twisted their mouths down in that slight way that people did when something was bad or they didn’t like it.

~~

The first time they had sex was on the sofa bed in the living room. They had started in Adam’s bedroom, but it was overwhelming; Nigel felt so good, and a touch _here_ felt like a touch _everywhere_ and Adam seized up over and over. Nigel had been scared, scared that he’d hurt Adam or forced him past a point he was comfortable with, and he’d retreated to the living room while Adam came back to himself. 

And then Adam had come and sat by him on the sofa, and said that his star machine made him feel calm, and the sofa pulled out into a bed, and they could turn on the star machine and pull out the sofa and put some clean bedding on it and then have sex there.

So they did, and Adam was happy.

~~

Adam knew that Nigel was a bad man. He hadn’t come to the conclusion himself, rather he had seen the kind of work that Nigel did and matched it up to what he knew of the law and what he had heard people say about that kind of thing in the past. So he knew, objectively, that Nigel was bad to other people, but he found it difficult to reconcile with the Nigel he knew privately, so he decided not to bother trying. Other people could think Nigel was bad. Adam could think he was good. That was fine. People think differently.

The video had been hard to watch, though. 

~~

They first met in Central Park. Adam went out on Tuesday and Thursday evenings to watch the raccoons. Nigel went out on whatever evening was necessary for the next drop. Soon enough Nigel was demanding drops only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Adam had allocated proper time in his evening routine for his meetings with the Romanian man in the park.

~~

Adam didn’t know how to feel as he stood watching the man shovel dirt into the grave. It seemed pointless to keep standing there, Nigel wouldn’t know if he stayed or not. He wanted to get home, it was Thursday and that meant going to the park to watch the raccoons, and he needed time to have dinner before then.

It wouldn’t be so different. Nigel usually came with him to see the raccoons, but sometimes he’d had to work so Adam had gone alone. Nigel had texted him then, so Adam knew how to cope.

Adam fished out his phone and brought up the text.

_Hello gorgeous. I can’t see the raccoons with you tonight. Tell me if the scrappy one with the torn ear is there, i like him. I will come round tomorrow afternoon, we’ll have lunch xxx_

There was a body in the ground, but it wasn’t Nigel. Nigel was here.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://zacharybosch.tumblr.com)!


End file.
